Sunday, 8 September 2013
Saturday September 7th.
Saturday was a day of rest.
Cleared out drawers in my bedroom. Chucked things away. TIme to clear all the old signs of my life.
I read up about Hyperacusis and felt it was the only thing that described how I was feeling. Lack of tolerance to normal sounds was a good description. Too much sensitivity to high registers.
My instinct is that my life is now going to be very different and no time for the past which could hang around me like cobwebs.
Cleared out drawers in my bedroom. Chucked things away. TIme to clear all the old signs of my life.
I read up about Hyperacusis and felt it was the only thing that described how I was feeling. Lack of tolerance to normal sounds was a good description. Too much sensitivity to high registers.
My instinct is that my life is now going to be very different and no time for the past which could hang around me like cobwebs.
Friday September 6th
Today was my first day at Leith School of Art with Matt and I decided to go in by train and taxi.
It was a journey I shall not forget easily. First, the train was incredibly noisy. The wheels, engine noise, and vibrations all jolted me.
Getting out at Waverley was like entering a war zone. The sounds were coming from different directions, traffic, sirens, people, all jumbled and I was not sure where anything was coming from.
I felt extremely vulnerable.
Took a taxi and felt every cobblestone and movement of the vehicle. i felt as though I was being hurled around. Every bone seemed to ache. No muscle tone or strength anywhere.
I got to the school and felt like coming straight home again. Lynsey had very kindly made up a mattress and curtain right at the top of the school. It was necessary!
Two and a half hours of drawing and I HAD to lie down. Sitting was not enough. Such exhaustion.
I lasted the day with breaks to lie down.
The journey home was not quite so bad. Incredibly tired. Noise in head was louder. In bed and asleep by 9pm.
It was a journey I shall not forget easily. First, the train was incredibly noisy. The wheels, engine noise, and vibrations all jolted me.
Getting out at Waverley was like entering a war zone. The sounds were coming from different directions, traffic, sirens, people, all jumbled and I was not sure where anything was coming from.
I felt extremely vulnerable.
Took a taxi and felt every cobblestone and movement of the vehicle. i felt as though I was being hurled around. Every bone seemed to ache. No muscle tone or strength anywhere.
I got to the school and felt like coming straight home again. Lynsey had very kindly made up a mattress and curtain right at the top of the school. It was necessary!
Two and a half hours of drawing and I HAD to lie down. Sitting was not enough. Such exhaustion.
I lasted the day with breaks to lie down.
The journey home was not quite so bad. Incredibly tired. Noise in head was louder. In bed and asleep by 9pm.
Thursday, 5 September 2013
Thursday September 5th
Today was better. Carolyn Sparey came round and we talked about our experiences and how common it is amongst musicians. So many people had sudden hearing loss and did not see anyone soon enough.
She is keen to help get something done about this situation. It seems that the ENT is saying come soon as possible but GPs are being systematic about doing various thing to clear wax, check for infection etc.. This leaves it too late for steroids to work.
Better day today.
I am aware of how much the sound is distorted, as though the volume switch is the turned the wrong way. Also, sound comes from the wrong direction.
Eating is still a problem. No appetite still and slightly shaky. Very weak and no reserves left.
She is keen to help get something done about this situation. It seems that the ENT is saying come soon as possible but GPs are being systematic about doing various thing to clear wax, check for infection etc.. This leaves it too late for steroids to work.
Better day today.
I am aware of how much the sound is distorted, as though the volume switch is the turned the wrong way. Also, sound comes from the wrong direction.
Eating is still a problem. No appetite still and slightly shaky. Very weak and no reserves left.
Wednesday September 4th
Today was mostly a write off! I did nothing but stay in bed most of the time.
Tuesday September 3rd.
This morning I went to se my GP, Dr. Young, and he listened, understood and said he would help get things moving faster.
It feels better talking to him and realising that he is on my side.
The rest of the day was spent mostly in bed, playing games, sending emails and resting. Very tired.
It feels better talking to him and realising that he is on my side.
The rest of the day was spent mostly in bed, playing games, sending emails and resting. Very tired.
Monday, 2 September 2013
Monday September 2nd.
This morning I woke early, around 5.30 and decided to check the pitch of the noise. Tinnitus is such a scary word and conjures up for me the high pitch ringing of Liver Yang rising. That is not me!
After trying to find the note on the piano, I suspected it was a D. Checked it with the app on my IPad and the D below middle C was the note I could hear the least. Surprisingly, I could hear all the other notes. Perhaps because it is the sound I am hearing in my head, that is why I could not hear it?
I then tried to see what happened when listening to music again. Previously, it was a scary, distorted sound and very upsetting.
This time I could hear! I think the middle and lower frequencies are better.
After trying to find the note on the piano, I suspected it was a D. Checked it with the app on my IPad and the D below middle C was the note I could hear the least. Surprisingly, I could hear all the other notes. Perhaps because it is the sound I am hearing in my head, that is why I could not hear it?
I then tried to see what happened when listening to music again. Previously, it was a scary, distorted sound and very upsetting.
This time I could hear! I think the middle and lower frequencies are better.
Sunday September 1st.
Sunday morning I went to see Jenny Tweedie who has had exactly the same problem. Sudden deafness and left too late for any chance of treatment. Saw the specialist privately who just said she was deaf in one ear and that was that! She was devastated and was extremely upset for a long time. It seems the normal response is fear and anger.
I think I am coping better than I would have thought because of all the Buddhist practise. Meditating on impermanence, reading endlessly, practising non attachment in all areas and reading that the test of meditation is not to feel peaceful and calm but to accept the difficulties as they happen.
Carol Beckenbridge came round and because her voice is very quiet, it was a struggle to hear her. It seems that the more I struggle to hear, the louder the noise in my head.
I think I am coping better than I would have thought because of all the Buddhist practise. Meditating on impermanence, reading endlessly, practising non attachment in all areas and reading that the test of meditation is not to feel peaceful and calm but to accept the difficulties as they happen.
Carol Beckenbridge came round and because her voice is very quiet, it was a struggle to hear her. It seems that the more I struggle to hear, the louder the noise in my head.
Saturday Evening
I decided to put my hearing problems on Facebook and the results were outstanding.
I had so many replies. Great support from all my friends and in particular, from Carolyn Sparey, Paul Sutherland and Susan Henderson.
What surprised me was the number of musicians who had had this problem and all said that they should have been sent immediately to A&E.
Steroids seemed to be the only chance of repairing the damage but they had to be taken quickly.
Nick was a star! He drove me to Larbet where the system worked beautifully. Instead of waiting nearly four hours, I was advised to go to Stirling where the out of hours GP was waiting.
Saw her immediately and she was on the phone to ENT straight away. Even she did not know that sudden deafness was classed as an emergency and had to be dealt with immediately. She gave me the prescription for steroids and Nick and I were off to Sainsburys where I had the first dose. Eight pills a day for the next three days.
Thank goodness for Facebook an the help of my friends.
I had so many replies. Great support from all my friends and in particular, from Carolyn Sparey, Paul Sutherland and Susan Henderson.
What surprised me was the number of musicians who had had this problem and all said that they should have been sent immediately to A&E.
Steroids seemed to be the only chance of repairing the damage but they had to be taken quickly.
Nick was a star! He drove me to Larbet where the system worked beautifully. Instead of waiting nearly four hours, I was advised to go to Stirling where the out of hours GP was waiting.
Saw her immediately and she was on the phone to ENT straight away. Even she did not know that sudden deafness was classed as an emergency and had to be dealt with immediately. She gave me the prescription for steroids and Nick and I were off to Sainsburys where I had the first dose. Eight pills a day for the next three days.
Thank goodness for Facebook an the help of my friends.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
History of becoming deaf
On Monday, August 26th 2012, I woke up with a buzzing sound and very little hearing.
Saw Dr. Smautz and put drops in my ear. Exterol.
Tuesday. no better.
Wednesday. I could hear my GP over the phone. Reluctant to put more drops in.
Thursday. Put drops in at 11am. In tears by 2pm because it was so much worse. More buzzing and I could not hear the phone.
Friday. Had my ears syringed and it made no difference except less dizzy.
Saw Dr. Smautz who said it was probably an inner ear problem. Might be permanent damage. Anti biotics for a week in case it is an infection. If not, visit the specialist at Larbet to start investigations. Could be months!
All this since my party on Sunday! This is going to change my life and I am going to keep a diary as a record of how I am going to cope.
Thursday was the day I realised that my hearing life might be over and by 2.30 was in floods of tears.I don't even know what the feeling was. I have not cried like that for many years. Sobs more than tears.
Kate arrived and was wonderful.
I have found it difficult to eat this week.Worry and anxiety combined with slight dizziness?
This afternoon I went to see Dronma. The electricity was off. No phone and I thought she was a person who would understand. She did. As she has had hearing problems all her life, she was truly understanding and had lots of encouraging things to say.
Most of important... I can still paint. I am still alive.. I have friends.. It is not going to kill me.
Friday August 30th 2012
Today I decided to write a diary as it seems a change is happening to my life which might not be reversible.
Last Monday I woke to a buzzing in my head and not much hearing. Straightaway to the GP and got some ear drops to soften the impacted wax.
Wednesday, I could hear a little better. Syringing due on Friday.
Put more drops in.
Thursday.... broke down in tears. The buzz was worse and hearing also worse.
Last Monday I woke to a buzzing in my head and not much hearing. Straightaway to the GP and got some ear drops to soften the impacted wax.
Wednesday, I could hear a little better. Syringing due on Friday.
Put more drops in.
Thursday.... broke down in tears. The buzz was worse and hearing also worse.
Saturday August 31st.
Woke today still feeling the same. Very noisy in my head and still no hearing.
It is now 6 days of facing being deaf and there is a lot to get used to. I have a fairly constant wobbly feeling and tension in my neck. Also, very wiped out. Perhaps it is related to shock?
My appetite has gone and it is a struggle to eat although I feel hungry.
Thinking of all the possible causes, here is a summary..
A lifetime of playing music with only one ear functioning. Sitting in front of flutes, triangles, horns, brass, which hurts my ears.
Fall on the ice when skating several years ago. It resulted in concussion and severe vertigo for many months and I was fairly convinced there was damage to the vertebrae in my neck. When I looked upwards the vertigo was worse.
Being chronically overtired, overstressed and drained for the last few years. Sometime something has to happen to force me to stop. This has done that.
The week before my birthday, I drove over a thousand miles, had a dry eye which kept running, and was very tense trying to organise my party on Sunday. Also, I was waking up with sore eyes, struggling to get out of bed just to keep going. I lay down for a short while on Sunday and felt quite dizzy, when I moved my head.
I decided that I should keep a food diary adjacent to this.
9.30 Muesli.
10.30 coffee and chocolate cake. Could not finish the cake. First coffee for a week and did not enjoy it.
Omlette.
It is now 6 days of facing being deaf and there is a lot to get used to. I have a fairly constant wobbly feeling and tension in my neck. Also, very wiped out. Perhaps it is related to shock?
My appetite has gone and it is a struggle to eat although I feel hungry.
Thinking of all the possible causes, here is a summary..
A lifetime of playing music with only one ear functioning. Sitting in front of flutes, triangles, horns, brass, which hurts my ears.
Fall on the ice when skating several years ago. It resulted in concussion and severe vertigo for many months and I was fairly convinced there was damage to the vertebrae in my neck. When I looked upwards the vertigo was worse.
Being chronically overtired, overstressed and drained for the last few years. Sometime something has to happen to force me to stop. This has done that.
The week before my birthday, I drove over a thousand miles, had a dry eye which kept running, and was very tense trying to organise my party on Sunday. Also, I was waking up with sore eyes, struggling to get out of bed just to keep going. I lay down for a short while on Sunday and felt quite dizzy, when I moved my head.
I decided that I should keep a food diary adjacent to this.
9.30 Muesli.
10.30 coffee and chocolate cake. Could not finish the cake. First coffee for a week and did not enjoy it.
Omlette.
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