August 31st 2024.

I have just found my blog which I had not seen for 12 years. What an amazing find! 

My life is so different. Peaceful, older and enjoying my life in Kippen. I am now 81 and playing the piano every day, painting and seeing friends. Not much money but living quietly.

Reading my start of the OCA course then the trips to Leith School of Art is fascinating. The struggle after my 70th birthday, having gone deaf overnight and how tired I had been before it. Remembering the exhaustion of playing, trying to do everything in order to pay the mortgage and the desperation of relationships going wrong. 

How much more peaceful it is on my own! 

February 22 2018

It is a few years since writing this blog and feeling very out of practise. Time to focus on change and what I am doing now.

Saturday September 7th.

Saturday was a day of rest.
Cleared out drawers in my bedroom. Chucked things away. TIme to clear all the old signs of my life.

I read up about Hyperacusis and felt it was the only thing that described how I was feeling. Lack of tolerance to normal sounds was a good description. Too much sensitivity to high registers.

My instinct is that my life is now going to be very different and no time for the past which could hang around me like cobwebs.

Friday September 6th

Today was my first day at Leith School of Art with Matt and I decided to go in by train and taxi.

It was a journey I shall not forget easily. First, the train was incredibly noisy. The wheels, engine noise, and vibrations  all jolted me.
Getting out at Waverley was like entering a war zone. The sounds were coming from different directions, traffic, sirens, people, all jumbled and I was not sure where anything was coming from.
I felt extremely vulnerable.
Took a taxi and felt every cobblestone and movement of the vehicle. i felt as though I was being hurled around. Every bone seemed to ache. No muscle tone or strength anywhere.

I got to the school and felt like coming straight home again. Lynsey had very kindly made up a mattress and curtain right at the top of the school. It was necessary!
Two and a half hours of drawing and I HAD to lie down. Sitting was not enough. Such exhaustion.
I lasted the day with breaks to lie down.

The journey home was not quite so bad. Incredibly tired. Noise in head was louder. In bed and asleep by 9pm.

Thursday September 5th

Today was better. Carolyn Sparey came round and we talked about our experiences and how common it is amongst musicians. So many people had sudden hearing loss and did not see anyone soon enough.

She is keen to help get something done about this situation. It seems that the ENT is saying come soon as possible but GPs are being systematic about doing various thing to clear wax, check for infection etc.. This leaves it too late for steroids to work.

Better day today.
I am aware of how much the sound is distorted, as though the volume switch is the turned the wrong way. Also, sound comes from the wrong direction.

Eating is still a problem. No appetite still and slightly shaky. Very weak and no reserves left.

Wednesday September 4th

Today was mostly a write off! I did nothing but stay in bed most of the time.